yes that was fun. now and then is a really kool movie. we are such losers but we did fit each character pretty well. haha, its so funny. like graces character told my character in the movie, "its normal for things to be shitty." kraft gives that movie eight thumbs up! k gotta go get ready cause im going to my aunties house. yippee! i get to play with my nephews josiah and dimitri. those two lilttle boys can always cheer me up. [smiles]
me again. so right now i feel like hm..how to describe..bleh. i felt like going on a drive, since i got my car back yesterday and i filled up the tank today, just to clear my head or just get away from it all i guess. but the rest of kraft decided to invite themselves to my house again and watch now and then which is kool cause i'll be saving gas anyways. hell i didnt even noe where the hell i would be driving to. so now im just waiting.
i felt like blogging cause this is another way to clear my head. and usually id be blogging in my private one but i guess im hoping that certain people will read this or something.
well how am i u ask? eh, ive been better. like i said i feel bleh. im tired of all this shit. i dunno what to do. [sigh] like im trying to act normal and act like everything is fine u noe. like i really try not to think about it all and have fun. cause i really feel like im bumming out kraft with all my dumb ass thoughts. sorry guys. like i said i dont noe what to do. i'll just continue to act like everything is okay so i dont ruin everyone elses fun.
lately i havent really wanted to hang out with "everyone". maybe cause its the chance that i might see them together but i dunno. i like force myself to go out so i dont stay home and think. and hey dont worry im not like depressed or anything like that. its just my nature to over-analyze and think. its just that sometimes i want to be alone so i dont have to deal with everyone else. i mean i have enough to deal with as is. so dont take it personal if i give u the cold shoulder or something cause i just dont want to deal with anymore crap.
i dunno i really dont feel like being with anyone [excluding kraft because i see them every damn day, haha!], certain people especially. i mean he is [i still hope] one of my best friends but right now it doesnt feel right being with him. and her, i really dont want anything to do with her. yes im probably acting childish and stubborn, but sue me cause thats how i feel. i mean i heard she wants to talk to me but theres really nothing to say. yes i noe she probably feels guilty and shit but hey you cant change anything right? actions speak louder than words and by what she did proved to me what kinda "friend" she was. so let me make it easier on the both of us. yes i noe youre probably feeling bad, feeling guilty, feeling sorry, and what not but at the same time youre happy. so if you would please be so kind to not ruin the little happiness that i have left and do not approach me. that kinda goes to everyone. so as a warning dont piss me off okay? thats all i ask. sorry for acting like a little bitch right now but hey we all act like one sometime. please understand what im going through cause at the same time I'M trying to. thanks. blog u laters.
so my grandma wakes me up cause i have to bring her to her appointment. so i get up put on a sweater, grab my keys so we can go. and when i go to her room to say lets go she's all not even ready. geez i could be sleeping right now but no. haha oh well. so im here blogging. damn im sick. im coughing my ass off. hey i heard the two songs i wanted to hear on the radio. haha i actually taped it cause my downloading isnt working at the moment.
damn im sleepy. okay i think shes ready blog u later.
so what had happened was i talked to dexter today. im so proud of myself, i didnt cry. im still mad but i didnt want to be a big jerk and not talk to him. i had to talk to him sometime and better sooner than later cause being mad sucks. dont want to talk to her though, thats for sure.
i looked outside tonite and got kinda sad cause i was supposed to take him out tonite and the weather was perfect. the moon was full and the stars were out, too bad this whole thing had to happen huh. oh well, things happen for a reason. its weird i went out to dinner tonite and we got fortune cookies. mine said: "you will have good luck and overcome many hardships." hehe, i hope so. its in my wallet as a sign of hope. its reassuring me that everything works out in the end.
well i'll keep this one short. so just happy birthday dexter! i hoped you liked the gift and thanks for giving back lil mikey. nite gEeks!
sorry im like overflowing this blog full of crap but hopefully someone might read whats in here and maybe learn a thing or two. well i had a very long conversion with someone last night. well it was more of a gripe or venting session. damn that was crazy. i came into the realization of what a complete idiot i was. im not really gonna get into it here though. but damn i never would have thought that someone could be so full of it. i swear.
yesterday was a trip. being in the same room as both of them-shit! i hope i never have to be in the same room as them again. they dont exist to me anymore. i mean shit if you're gonna fucking treat me like that then i have no fucking business in even knowing you. cause if you noe me i so fucking hate when people act stupid and handle a situation in the worse manner. and in this case there were so many different ways to handle it and they took the worse way possible. i say screw it. if thats how you wanna handle it so be it. you just better watch out for whats coming to you. and i dont mean that in any threatening way, im just saying what goes around comes around. and you guys are in over your head, just how a bunch of us were. so all i gots to say is good luck. cause in the end, someone is gonna get hurt, count on it. and i talk from experience.
im not trying to be a bitch or anything im just being real. this is the fucking truth whether you like it or not. truth hurts. and its you're fucking decision on whether you believe me or not. cause shit, ive been there. i mean its all on you. learn from other peoples mistakes or learn the fucking hard way.
its weird cause i was all weepy and shit but now i just laugh at the whole thing. i was such a fucking idiot. you would never think you could be so stupid until it happens. oh well its over.
haha tonite was supposed to be the night i took him out for his birthday. i had the whole thing planned out. might as well say what i was gonna do since its not gonna happen. its weird cause i had it planned out already and it turned out to be like a dream he had about us which was kool. i was gonna take him to the beach and act like we were just going to the beach while kraft had a little picnic set up for us already. like we would just be walking and it would be there all ready and it would be a surprise for him, you noe. then we would have chilled there for a while, watch the sun set, look at the stars like in "our movie". oh cause we watched a walk to remember on valentines day and i thought that would be cute. and then afterwards i would have taken him to watch lilo and stitch and hopefully it would have been past midnight after the movie ended and then i would have said happy birthday and given him his birthday wish that he asked for. yah how nice huh? too bad it aint ever gonna happen. cause first off im not talking to him. second he doesnt deserve shit right now. third he already watched lilo and stitch with you noe who. yah and when just last week he said we were gonna watch it together. its funny how things work out i guess huh. and oh i was making him this thing for his birthday. it was gonna have all this crap that meant a lot to us. now that i think about it i mean just meaning to me since he really didnt give a shit about me. oh well. oh and to top it all off you noe i found out about all this shit thats going on right now while i was making his gift. isnt that just great! so now its just sitting in my closet because i really have no intention on even talking to him or her for a while. it sucks cause damn you dont even noe how long i had his birthday planned. i was so damn excited. but remember thats when i was so fucking blinded i guess by love or some shit. oh well. in a sense i did kinda give him a present. cause on christmas eve i was with him. i gave him his pillow and he gave me little mikey from monsters inc, the first movie we watched together. i swear that doll has been on my bed since december. but hm..was it friday night, yes friday night i put it on his doorstep. i sure as hell dont want it. oh well whatever dude.
well if you cant tell im still pissed the fuck off but whatever. im kool though, as long as i dont see them again. but again all i gots to say is what goes around comes around and shit you better be damn ready for whats coming.
oh one more thing. to kraft: sorry for putting you through all this shit. i mean i noe i have been more than crazy for the past few days and you guys have been nothing but there for me. you guys are truly my best friends. i owe you guys big time. i noe we never say this a lot and stuff [cause instead we just be making fun of each other, haha] but thanks for everything! sorry to be all mushy and stuff but i just wanted to acknowledge that. so thats all..blog u laters.
