dont act surprised cause of course its me again. well i dont noe if he'll ever read this but i just wanted to thank justin de leon for everything. since 8th/9th grade you've been the greatest friend. you've always unselfishly been there for me and i dont noe how to thank you. you've taught me a lot. im gonna miss our little "life talks." dont worry this isnt goodbye, like you said in your blog, more like see you later. so until then take care. love you like a brother. oh yah, one thing, you still didnt sign my insert you lil punk ass. haha. you owe me.
hey. yes its me again. i feel like blogging in here, haha. so anyways, what a great fucking start to my summer eh? i mean damn i heard you find out who you're real friends are after high school but i didnt noe it would happen so quickly. shit it has only been a week and already it has happened. well like everyone says shit happens huh.
well i guess what had happened was that i lost two friends today. yah i noe it sucks but it was their decision i guess. and theres nothing i can do but "accept" it. [my way of accepting something includes bitching, being a punk ass, acting insane, getting on peoples fucking nerves,etc. so do not be surprised of my actions in the next few days. and if u would rather me not be a bitch then dont act stupid towards me! just warning you.] proves that my friendship with them didnt mean shit to them, so why should i care? one of the two i wasnt SO close to but she kinda felt like a big sister to me. like i talked to her about my problems and what was on my mind and shit. i thought she was kool, i thought i could really trust her, i guess she really proved me wrong. thanks!
the other one was one of my best friends. and that hurts the most. he out of all people understood me the most when i thought nobody did. and i can honestly say that i loved him. but now i really dont noe. i mean neither of them had the courtesy to tell me anything. i cant thank those two enough. here have my heart, i dont need it. it seems like you guys are having fun breaking it so there, its yours, cause i dont want it. and dont thank me, thank yourselves.
oh well i dont want to fucking care anymore. like i said in my private blog, if u want me to be a bitch, I CAN BE. YOU fucking decide. and as a warning: think before answering that question.
i dunno. i really dont noe what to say. im just overwhelmed with so many bad emotions. sorry to kraft for being all crazy and annoying. but thanks kraft for showing me what true friendship is. id be lost without u guys. love yah! [honestly]
i dunno what im feeling. i guess kinda back-stabbed or/and betrayed. i just cant believe it. i mean i trusted these people you noe? and now i dont want to even look at them or hear their fucking names. i feel like a big ass jerk and i noe im probably being selfish and shit. oh well its not like anyone cares right?
dude whatever though. i really dont want to care anymore. aRGh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fuck it. ask yourself this: who CAN you trust?
i dont noe what to do. why is this happening? cant i rewind to last week or something. sorry for acting this way. dont worry i hate myself too. uGh! i think i'll go sit in my room and make myself disappear.
this is from my private blog. since no one noes that address i thought that maybe id post it here too. just as a warning this might not be the happiest entry ive posted so read with caution. dont say i didnt warn you. oh well its not like anyone cares so have fun reader.
hey. so the rest of kraft went shopping again today but i didnt feel like going. i guess cause im not in the best of moods right now. its really gloomy and cold outside; probably a reflection of what im feeling right now.
i dunno whats wrong with me. well okay maybe i do. but u noe how it is when something is bothering you, you can't help but say "i dunno". and truthfully i really dont noe anything. i dont noe what to believe, i dont noe what to do, i just dont noe. and im really frustrated. thats why im not out with the girls. im here just thinking [as usual]. like i noe how i am when im mad and i learned that i should not talk when im mad at someone because i'll end up saying something im going to regret. and it sucks. its like i get so angry that i let anger control me and say and do things that i noe i shouldnt be doing. [sigh] i hate how i am. i hate the way i easily get jealous. i hate the way i get mad and constantly think about everything and find someway to tie in every little thing to what is pissing me off. and i hate the way i act when im mad. i act like everything is fine when im so pissed off inside. [sigh] thats exactly what im doing right now.
i dont noe who or what to believe anymore. its like one day i'll hear something and then the next i hear something totally different. i guess now im not really gonna take anything thats said to me so seriously anymore. its like do people say things to you just cause its want you want to hear or because its the truth? or maybe im just the dumb one cause i actual believe it. see its times like these that make me question everything, and i hate it.
i can hella feel my heart punding because im so frustrated. its scary.
why do people do the things they do. i swear. how can you do something and not consciously know its going to hurt somebody. THINK BEFORE YOU ACT. shit. okay okay, i must admit i probably have done all this stupid stuff before but whos perfect? im just saying think about what you're doing before you do something. cause you never noe who it may affect or who it is going to hurt. i talk from experience.
i really dont noe. i noe im acting like a complete and total bitch right now but thats what happens. people push my buttons and today someone pushed the "pissed off/frustrated" button. and i noe im not making any sense right now. i guess im just trying to release some of this frustration cause i sure as hell dont always show how im really feeling in front of everyone. so i guess if youre reading this you get a sense of what is really going on inside of me. dont consider yourself lucky.
its funny how i always think everything is just so great and when i think theyre about to get even better it sinks down to the very bottom, and then some. i really dont noe what to believe anymore. like last week i couldnt wait for summer. i thought it was gonna be so great chillin with everyone and having fun but after today that idea is gone. now im back to the whole feeling of "i want to get away from it all." too bad my car is in the shop. maybe then i could actual try to get away from it all. sucks though cause i noe i'll be thinking of all thats on my mind right now. dammit, i never win.
i dont noe what im feeling. ask me in a couple of days. maybe by then this suckie mood would have passed. but then again thats a big ass maybe.
okay well i sound really crazy in this entry but i dont really give a fuck. its not like anyone else does anyway right? so to those few people who actual give a shit about me thanks for caring [and i actual mean that from the bottom of my heart. im not just saying that shit okay?] and to all those people who i probably pissed off today because i was in such a pissed off mood, i apologize. sorry! hopefully all this will pass. [sigh]
me again. i cant go back to sleep! i had to bring my car to the shop so they could finally fix the front part of my car. i swear, stupid fucking accident. rey followed me there and brought me back home. thanks a bunch rey! so its officially summer time. YES! can we plan something to look forward to. hm..think guys.
graduation was kool but kinda sad at the same time. i wish i took more pictures with everyone. i dont even noe what picture i took. haha.
so its over. and i dont really noe what to blog in here right now so byes.
wait one question for maricel: so really..now what do we got?
