gosh i hate how ive been blogging a lot but hell so much stuff has come up. but nothing bad and im still smiling. well that was a good talk. i guess you can call that closure. im glad we had that talk. no more hard feelings i guess. it was weird talking to him about everything but i guess it had to happen sometime. ah well, i feel really happy right now. weird i know, but it feels great. hehe. gonna go eat- wHoOpdEedOo! bye sucka.
ok here i am again blogging again dammit. thank God this works again cause damn do i have a lot to say. i dunno. i had a very out of no where conversation last night. hm, im not saying it was a bad one. i think it was good cause it kinda straightened some things out. but anyways, i have a question. so why did this all come up again. its like damn i thought it was all over. dont get me wrong, i dont have feelings for him anymore but its just weird. like after everything that happened its hard to believe or trust in anything he says. i found myself being all defensive and crap. i dunno im not making any sense. i dont miss him. i dont want to be with him. maybe, just maybe we can be friends again, but that would take a whole lot of time and trust, something i dont do that easily, especially after i was hurt. but i dunno? do i want to be friends? yah i guess. i would feel like a jerk if i held a grudge and was all stubborn and shit. but i noe i dont want to be with him. i guess i just miss having someone care about you; or having someone to hold underneath the sky and you didnt have to say a word cause just having that person there with you just made all your troubles go away. i want all that back. but i want it with someone else and i noe who. hey, im not stressing about any of this and im not mad at the world [OKAY MARICEL!] im just putting a lot of thought into this without any emotions. okay back to the subject. hm..well have you ever looked at the phone and wanted a certain someone to call. and when it would ring and you answered you SO hoped it was them. hehe, and didnt it feel great when it WAS them. geez. i have been experiencing that for a while now. like on christmas. i so wanted him to call but it was like yah right cause its christmas and hes supposed to be with family you noe. but hell, he called and damn was i happy. i dunno. im such a nerd but who cares. and he just left a good morning message on my cell phone. bleh, what the hell. i like him i admit it. but haha, i havent admitted it to him yet. i guess im just scared of being hurt again. cause once i let all my feelings out, the door to being hurt can be opened again. bleh. i dunno, we'll see. wish me luck..hehe :)
alrite, it works now! whoopEe. anyways i have so much to blog damn. i cant even remember. ok let me start from the 22nd, yah thats good. well the 22nd was my family christmas party which was weird cause it was hella early this year, you noe all the aunties had work on christmas or christmas eve. but it was kool. my nephews are so cute and so funny. but anyways, i didnt get any money this year. oh well. then sunday was another family day. first we all went to mira mesa to visit my grandpa, not my parents parents, but one of their cousins. but yah i wanted to cry. and we chilled up there for a long ass time. we saw my cousins that i havent seen for like forever which was kool. then we went home and then all went back to sleep, ah yes! ok then when it started getting late, we all woke up to go to my other aunties house. we ate dinner there and then we all went to that christmas card lane thing up in pQ. yup there was a grip of my family, it was fun though. i didnt noe but one of my cousins lives on that street so we looked at all the houses and went to there house to chill. damn talk about north side day. but what was weird is that when we were looking at all the houses me and my brother saw ruthie from real world hawaii, haha. that was f*ing funny. i remember that her sister lived here. haha, i thought that was really kool. ok hm..next was christmas eve. well that whole day i was stressing about the boys christmas presents cause we were gonna exchange with them that nite. but hell everything turned out great and i finished the boys presents with enough time to get ready. woohoo. ok after i finished everything, got it together, wrapped everything else i was good to go. so i went to pick up dexter and we went to maricels. but something was up with my car right. and when we got down at maricels i noticed one of my tires was flat [the one me and jerald filled up a few days ago] and boy did i feel f*ing stupid. gosh, but rey and dexter [mostly dexter] changed it for me. THANKS, alot! it was funny cause rey left to go pick up the other boys while dex fixed my tire and of course grace, cel and i didnt noe how to fix a tire so we just sat outside watching him fix it and played with candles while we sang christmas songs. aw..*sniff* yup ok and then it was time to exchange presents!! yEeEaAaHHh..well of course us girls wanted to go first because we put so much effort into it, but it was sOoO f*ing worth it. damn, that made me so happy to see the guys faces all happy when they got their presents. hehe. yah then i went to midnight mass and tried my best to stay awake and hey i did and the homily was very interesting. stupid rey kept texting me and dexter was like gonna fall asleep, geez. but anyways overall this was one of the bestest christmas-es ever. i promise. just thinking about it makes me happy.
i dunno, i have more to say. to be continued..sorry..something came up.
